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04 September 2004 @ 07:42 am
[sticky post] mrow  
Poetry from 99 to 04 or so so ages 11-17 ish.  It's crazy to look back at, most of it I hate, some of it I like snippets I suppose. It's all so terribly cliche, and angsty, and urgh.

Some of these are old, some new, the closer to the bottom the older they are. Dating back to 99' this is more for my own records than it is for anyone else


I'm harsh,
only seventeen,
suppose that means i should be
some sort of beauty queen?
a few days more
and i'll be 18
yeah, legal
so i suppose that means
i should be everything you want me to be?
some little slut
gutter tramp
because
i'm no longer a child
i'm seventeen now
i'll be eighteen soon
and i'm going to be me
not some disposable
trashy
throw away
cheap fill in til' something better comes along
and as for a beauty queen
ha
well that i'll never be
but you know what?
i think i can safely say
that by being me
i can find MYSELF beautiful
and not need you
for inspiration
pity
compliments
i'll hang my world
from my star
i'm seventeen now
but i'm going far
i'll be eighteen soon
my own woman
well
no
i'll be a girl,
....trying to be......
a woman.

~ra28,millencat~

--------------------------------------------------------

a fallen star
glitter-dust covers my eyes
like mab on her midnight ride
of fame and fortune born
a sea with no end
no bottom
or sides
humanities goal
a night-dew dream
wet
from the tears of angels
the kiss of faeries
soft blade
grass green
warm from the sun
or cold from the night
passion reigns supreme
in nature
and in the heart
of man
give me a tear or two
for the divine comedy
or tragedy
a production on high
feel the queen-kiss
before
you sleep

-------------------------------------------------------------

a crystalline maze
of shattered dreams
broken on the back of the damned
one way ticket to the world of your dreams
or nightmares
take what you get
give what you've got
the cards aren't always in the deck
so take a gamble

---------------------------------------------------------
what will you say
as your dreams fade away?
like the last breath of air
from a dying mans lungs
death rattle of rock n roll
drugs and sex
kids and insurance
hospitals
waiting rooms
life on hold
what will you say
with that last breath of air?

--------------------------------------------------------

pain for pleasure
pleasure for pain
pick your poison and
i'll play your game

------------------------------------------------------

i'm a bit of an oddity
rarity
b-side
but don't flip me over
you might not like what you find
the darker side

------------------------------------------------------
Pepsi
( written in all of 2 minutes as a gag during drivers ed :P )

A cerulean sin
abomination
a glowing acid
etched into my brain
burning silver swirls
a lurid blend of high and low
dark patterns trace the endless route
of silver ovid bends
like seeds from the whore of gluttony
a wretched soul-less carrier
drained sable
ambrosia to
day-long dead slaves
child of a whore
daughter of our own minds
a toast
to you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
sharpen
( an ode to the pencil sharpener in drivers ed :P same day, less than a minute, never finished, never will be )
gleaming
like a sirens call to creation
an invitation from the master
love
what will you make?
a life, a love, a home?
every dream a new answer in itself
self fulfilling prophecy
mother and father
filling the void of empty static-less white
beautiful in and of itself
unique in it's regularity

---------------------------------------------
dry hump
fuck my mind like you'd rather fuck my body
ya ya ya
a virgins sin nah?
or a sinner on his knees......
only if you would rather think than feel
feels pretty naughty to me
innocent,
you see?
only if your blind baby
lets play a game
we'll both win
a little
or a lot
play your hand
down my ribs that is
i wonder
did they know
that these jeans
could do
THAT?
-----------------------------------------------------
so i've got a bow in my lip
hair to my waist
does that mean i should be your
personal sex slave
come in thirty different flavors
and seven different ways?
i'm not your
one
super model
sex queen extraordinaire
perfect idea
of a down n' dirty deal
my hair
my skin
it all fits in
right?
to be your prima-donna whore
i'm not yours
and i never will be
so just
leave it alone

--------------------------------------------------------------

in the end

okay so they say
it doesn't truly matter
the end is still the same
then why did you lie to me?
some rot-dark center
pulsing at you core
clawing its way out
out to greet me
with open arms
and grinning mouth
open
to devour me
that rot dark core
well it's become a friend
because i can see all my sins
reflecting back at me
see them pouring out of me
midnight stain spreading out
on a carpet of hopes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

he's a magic man
with a voice of satin and a whiplash smile.
acid bathed silver tongue,
burning intricacies into my flesh,
branding my mind with bold vivid strokes,
a master of his craft,
daredevil,
heart throb,
wicked,
angel on the edge.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Of Memory and Loss
(Written for: Catherine Vance )

it's a razorblade dream
that cuts to the quick
the cold nights alone
away from the warmth of your smile
the dreams i had
of who you'd be
those bitter edged sweet memories
of you and me
that small warm smile
inside my heart
your memory
that heavy burden
reminding me of you
and that i'll never see
who it was you could be
and never see you
through the eyes of age
only a memory
of youth
i miss you
for who you were
who you could have been
and
i miss that you're not here with me now
to share the tough times
and the good ones too
i wanted your tears,
your love,
your joy,
to share with you life
with all it's wonders and sorrows
to see you grow
and to see you change
as above and below
and now we'll never see
who you could be
what you would have conquered
the world was yours
and i'd give it to you
if i could
just know
that you'll always have a home
in my heart
and the doors always open
even though
there's no one home
i love you.
~ra30,millencat~

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
(Written for:Catherine Vance )

i miss you
oh god
your smile
your laughter
i miss YOU
and i wonder
how it all happened?
you were here
and then gone
and now
there's something hollow inside me
and i still hear your laugh
in my dreams
and i feel your smile in my heart
and it breaks
when i know
you're not here
you left
and now
i'll never know
how you'd grow
or who
you would be
i know you
and the ghosts of you
in my dreams
and my heart
time
i wish, i wish there were more
an hour
a day
how quickly you pased away
but like shadows in a dark corner
you are felt always
but never seen
you will reside in my heart forever
~ra30,millencat~

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Cherry Blossom
(Written for: Cherry )

yeah i can survive
i did
i have
but why did you?
love
what a bitter fickle twisted word
i gave mine to you
and you
gave yours
to yourself,
we made love
i had love
gave love
you left me alone
by myself
and so
i'm telling you
that i've had enough
i'll be
on my own
without you
i know...
but i can do it
besides
i'm tired of being alone
while everyone else gets
your love
well, your lust
we started as two
and you left me as three
perfect addition
in a broken dream
so you see
i am
and
have
my THREE
with or without your
dreams
love
support
yeah
you left
and now i'm leaving you
in the gutter you came from
and i will move on
because
you see
i still know what love means
to me
as narcissus faded away from his own reflection
so you'll fade from my life
and i'll miss you
yeah i'll mis you
how could i not?
i LOVED you
but you
never loved me
and so
i make a gift to you
i will let me see
the person you
taught me to be
so you see?
i am
i will be
and so will you
but one of us
still has dreams
and if you think it's me
you're right
because i can stand proud
i will not bow to you
but i will laugh
at what used to be
it'll always hurt to look back
so thats why i'm looking forward
away from you
with strength in my heart
and a dream in my head
so
i'll
see
you
to the
CURB!
~ra28,millencat~

--------------------------------------------------------------

and god tilted his head
the smiling faceless father
for a broken generation
as wine is poured forth from the altar
so are our dreams poured forth from our souls
these angels that we call to answer with
no more than the buzzing of a phone left to long off the hook
the tears of youth run to mingle with old
forming oceans of pain
and still like some hideous bodiless bobbing head
god nods and smiles approval
cheap plastic
painted on approval
for a broken down dream
a merry go round
rusted out but still spinning
nodding for us
broken in the streets
the figurehead of
used-to-be's
has-beens'
by gone era's
old icons of purity
twisted
bent
impure
stained
and still the nodding
the phone that will ne'er be answered
the questions that will never be heard
and yet we trust
with the nodding
faceless god
and his shining empty son
we trust.
we trust them with our all
empty ourselves out to him
for his nodding
faceless approval


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

oh how you trash me
speak up baby
back-talks only good when i'm not here
quit hiding in the dark and speak to my face
drop your facade
yeah yeah
i know
the razor in yer hand
the thorns beneath your honey
it's not meant for me
well
i felt your pain
and now i feel your whip
cut me to the quick
slash me til' i bleed
and i'll leave you
i may have been your mat
but i'm not your whipping post
punching bag
no
so now
its you kicked to the curb
you're the alley trash
tom cat
leave your
heated piss mark on someone else's door
i can't stand the stench
of your
day old,
paper bag garbage
the stench of your soul
pour your life out into the drain
dregs of society..
piss your life away
walk away
leave
i am...
my own

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The Dance of Gaia

with starlight wrapping 'round
my moonlit head enflowered
by such cloudy dreams
silver-spun
of ebon black
webbed with kisses light
tread softly
for tis' my dreams underfoot
breathe deeply
my soul is of air
silvery moon
gild to perfection
for these enraptured eyes
the dark caress
sky to sea

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

SILVER SHOT

buck
drive it in
deep
nails in a coffin
rain on the earth
scorch me
drive deep
softly
as late november weeps
mist on my coffin
drive deep
bring me home
into the bower of eternal slumber
morpheus my prince
kiss once
and once only
my cold december lips
love my with your all
and pass me through
drive deep
leaves in the fall
sun on the grass
cold window pane
i'm home at last
dear heart
of lethe and abandon i do know
sweet loves
join me too
when your time comes
though i'll know you not
kiss my december lips once again
and bid me adieu
for we all thought it would be you
not i
who went on this cold earthen trip
drive deep
love me slow
in the morn i'll be gone
again
leaving you alone
so kiss
again
my december lips
for my heart will reside in the autumn of your love
glorious
quick
momentary
kiss once again
my december lips
and love me with your all
for tomorrow dawns winter
drive deep
kiss me
before i
....fade.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

the sky and sea have made me see exatly what is you mean to me
on the cold winter wind i see the truth
more than i ever knew
on the morning glories pain,
i hear your voice and see your name
i see you, all of you
but do you see me?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

brush my bones, scrub them down
fill me up inside
eat my wounds, wash my tears
love me
sear my soul, purify me
with your fire

--------------------------------------------------------------------

When i die it's gonna be all for you,
I'll scream and cry and fight the fear.
Live, lie... broken down dreams and gutter punk trash
Dazzle me with your glittery glitzty world of hopped up prima donna trash talkin coke whores
Yes i feel your pain...
your facade
somber morbid greyed out film of sorrow...
sell yourself..
we'll buy.
Tell your darkest fears... the ones you stole from broadway and the girl down the street
run and feel the fire beneath your feet
purgatory?
all for you my love...
my love...
my black hearted sugar-sweet hate monger...
the one who burns my heart with silverbladed words..
and kisses my tears with ice cold lips..
yes my love... all for you
all my hate
all my soul..
everything you are that i cannot be
and everything i am...
that will not be

---------------------------------------------------------

slice me with your candy coated blades
slice me up on the inside
do i make you scream?
you say i'm wrong
i say i'm right
why is this...
another fight on another night
you say it's love, need, dreams...
you say it right
i think for you it's lust covering the rosy-eyed hues...
you see perfect in a moment and ignore the pain
slow arsenic death of a cold moment
frozen silence our last goodbye
pulse pounding heart throbbing release...
with love on my lips
and blood in my heart
we fall away...
it wasn't love it was lust
it was need of a primal kind
dreams of a childhood prince..
a fantasy
you said love,need,dreams
i said lust,passion, momentary
and we said our goodbye
a stagecall
bow before the curtain and kiss...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

show

show it all
throw it all away...
love your beauty
hate your faith
feel me deep inside you
sighing with rhythmic need
love ya baby
you pretty dreamy-eyed doll
so fragile to the sound of silent laughter
pretty pretty
you'll never know...
just what happened when you closed your eyes...
you'll never know the parties the pain the joy or the love...
move on grow up
dancing forever in my heart...
dancing in the darkest places
dancing to keep away the night
hold your teddy close pretty
sleep with your blankie tonight...
move on grow up
realise there really isn't a you or a me
there's faces in the shadows and glimpses of light
i see you...
pretty oh... pretty
i see you in your timeless dance...
they call you a child
grow up move on
you should act
like your parents..
harden up... slow down..
move on grow up....
you took time in your hand
pretty
you took time in your hand
...and you danced...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

touch
pleasure kill
addictive thrill
secret heart
skimmed need
melt...
knife-blade sharp
quick withdraw
pounding
rain
grinding
salt
my pleasure kill
addictive thrill

--------------------------------------------------------------------

she sat in the room and said:
oh no, i believe it....
.omigodohnomylifeit'sallgoneitcouldn'thave!!
but it did,
and like a slow winding dark
she sinks into oblivion
like film repeating in her head
broken and bowed
" what did i do wrong?"
silent and shocked
" how?"
where are we now?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Rage
Twisted shadows silently beckon,
by mornings light last fallen
angel feathers and demons bane
a world in ruin
fallen from us
a battle staged
into eternity falen
no one won this battle lost
a battle that need never been
balancing upon the rim
a people lost
deep within
leaving a future uncertain as time
these angels in all their beauty made
with time faded shall they fly
demons who met upon this field
in valour hath they fallen
a fate seen only by thy gods
in aching sorrow they watch
waiting
~Aurora23,millen~

---------------------------------------------

Sorrows Shadows

Sorrows shadows
building stronger
following all those dark hours
caught in amber
held in stone
no place to call jome
love a myth
and there's never anything amiss
silent tears on a brutal alter
nite glint
starshine
she'l never beat time
~Janus14,millen~

---------------------------------------------

Winds Of Change

Winds of change may rock my world
the wings of chaos
now unfurled
curling
swirling
tireless
and dark
shame, a bloodstain
a dark
deadly mark
you seem, you think, you dream
and in darkness
you fell
for the
fallen

~Janus 25,millen~

month of janus god of two faces

----------------------------------------------

Silence

Silence to my darkened eyes
slammed shut, closed tight
where seers cannot see
and scryers cannot scrye
you hid from prophecies
in a book as yet unwritten
pages of a diary
never to be read
a soul in silence
sealed
~Janusmillenon~
 
 
Grump-O-Meter: weirdweird
 
 
 
AnglPhyreanglphyre on September 7th, 2004 08:47 am (UTC)
it's the woman lady person thing!! hi.... i miss yoo! write meh! n_n
AnglPhyreanglphyre on September 7th, 2004 09:32 am (UTC)
i miss you so much....**hugs**
AnglPhyreanglphyre on September 23rd, 2004 05:04 pm (UTC)
i miss you killer... come back to meeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

*crycry* **hughug**

~pain
AnglPhyreanglphyre on October 11th, 2004 11:33 am (UTC)
WRITE MORE FOR THE REST OF US, DAMNIT!!
denki_gisidenki_gisi on September 4th, 2016 08:17 pm (UTC)
Should this life sometime deceive you,
Don’t be sad or mad at it!
On a gloomy day, submit:
Trust — fair day will come, why grieve you?

Heart lives in the future, so
What if gloom pervade the present?
All is fleeting, all will go;
What is gone will then be pleasant.
corvusrayvencorvusrayven on September 5th, 2016 12:52 am (UTC)
with my two working brain cells back online
It seems as though, to start with apologies might be apropos
My heart doesn't beat to the time of a metronome
Nor, will you find that format and structure meet with pleasing eye
Instead, to crib a bit I chose the path less traveled by.

I do not greet the day, nor friends, with a heavy heart.
And by the same I do not welcome tribulations with ardor
Rather, if you might permit me response,
I welcome to my door like with like and find instead catharsis.

Gifted are we with feeling, and truth that fair follows foul
and oft it can be counted that foul will in due time follow fair
But betwixt and between those storms are found the heft of the soul,
Half less of one is by no merit met – tis only in full measure owned.

I don't write poetry anymore, and to be honest never wrote like this. But here's an attempt in thanks of your comment rather than simply saying I cannot do it. These poems are more than a decade old, some rounding on two. I would say don't take them seriously but it's like shouting down ghosts, you're speaking to a thing that doesn't exist.

Have a wonderful day!
denki_gisidenki_gisi on September 5th, 2016 07:06 pm (UTC)
Re: with my two working brain cells back online
Это не мои стихи. Это перевод с русского стихотворения Пушкина.
It's not my poetry. This is a translation from Russian of Pushkin's poem.

Mikhail Lermontov:
The Sail
A lone white sail shows for an instant
Where gleams the sea, an azure streak.
What left it in its homeland distant?
In alien parts what does it seek?

The billow play, the mast bends creaking,
The wind, impatient, moans and sighs…
It is not joy that it is seeking,
Nor is it happiness it flies.

The blue wave dance, they dance and tremble,
The sun’s bright ray caress the seas.
And yet for storm it begs, the rebel,
As if in storm lurked calm and peace!..

Mikhail Lermontov
Translated by Irina Zheleznova

Парус
Белеет парус одинокой
В тумане моря голубом. —
Что ищет он в стране далекой?
Что кинул он в краю родном?

Играют волны, ветер свищет,
И мачта гнется и скрыпит;
Увы! — он счастия не ищет
И не от счастия бежит! —

Под ним струя светлей лазури,
Над ним луч солнца золотой: —
А он, мятежный, просит бури,
Как будто в бурях есть покой!

Михаил Лермонтов
1832г.


corvusrayven: lamcorvusrayven on September 5th, 2016 10:19 pm (UTC)
Re: with my two working brain cells back online
Indeed, as I discovered earlier. I should I suppose learn to google random comments. Instead then I'll take a bit of a different tack.

The main thrust of the first poem is the idea to deny sadness and to be happy, which I disagree with. I can of course be happy, and like most people I can pretend to be happy as well. But I'm not an actor, I'm not performing. This is my space, was my space I guess, to speak openly about myself. Your viewpoints on my moods or the subject matter are irrelevant, unwarranted, and unwanted.

Have a wonderful day and please don't return if you have nothing to add, open ended poetry from the lips of another shows little of yourself. If it's discourse, then discuss.
<3

Edited at 2016-09-06 09:10 pm (UTC)
denki_gisidenki_gisi on September 7th, 2016 05:58 pm (UTC)
Re: with my two working brain cells back online
Кликните на лошадок и они вам споют.
Click on horses and they will sing.



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